im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Randomize
