Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize