Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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