Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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