ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
