Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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