this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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