dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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