You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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