first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I will die if light touches me.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
