You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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