i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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