My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
