I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
