Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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