Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
