i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
