i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
