First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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