cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
