That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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