I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
