omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Who died my cat blue again?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize