After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
