It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
