Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I could fuck to npr.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
