That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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