She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize