i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
