on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
