Can i not drive my cunt home
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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