I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
