If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
