i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
