so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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