Duck Duck Cougar?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
