You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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