i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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