Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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