never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
