During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
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There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
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Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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