could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
