stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize