he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
