She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Let's get the cat blown out
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
