Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
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