wakey wakey hands off snakey
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
