Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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