i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
