Me. At least after what I've been through.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
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pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
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I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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