this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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