I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize