Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
