Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
