it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
