based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
