im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
