You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
