I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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