he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
