Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
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Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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