thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
