Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
