I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
