my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
