I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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