why didn't you poke me back
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
