Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
