I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
