You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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