The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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