just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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