You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
