she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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