Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
