apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
