Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
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She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
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We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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