how can u be prego again
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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