Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
