What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
