Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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