Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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