i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
