I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
