One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
