just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
not ubering you a puppy
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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