Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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