I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
