something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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