Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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