When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
